Random Health Feb

Recently I've been working very hard on my health and nutrition. Above are my efforts at food journaling. It's interesting.. and somewhat addictive. But I feel it's beneficial for me.

"Don't worry- tomorrow I'll smile and everything will be prefect... but today- I'm not going to act like it's okay"

I think the title adequately describes my feelings at this point in time... in fact I've gotten pretty damn good at smiling and acting... however- a line was crossed and it's not okay.

The person who inflicted the hurt knows how deep it went, and basically twisted the knife a little after too.

I don't consider myself a cold person- but there are times in your life when you're dealing with someone who regardless of how amazing you treat them- they refuse to treat you with the same respect.
I think it's time I cut off my feelings.... self preservation is necessary... I do have others in my life that need my love- and I'd rather save my energy for the ones who don't hurt me over and over again.

Friday afternoon lull...

Maybe it's the abnormally wet, less than warm weather that's causing me to be more pensive than my usual... but with my little girl's second birthday around the corner- I can't help but be a little reminiscent of the past couple years.

I feel like I've come to a time in my life where living day to day just isn't cutting it. I feel the need to forge ahead in many aspects of my life. Being on the verge of no longer having a "baby" forces you to deal with the realization that you're being looked up to- that someone who depends on you will be watching you constantly- and will start to look to you for ideas and support.

I've been thinking more and more about various volunteer work I'd like to become involved in... anyone who knows me know that I have vast array of interests- so trying to figure out the ones that make the cut is hard.
In my career, I'm finally at that "5 years experience" level that was so out of reach when I was right out of college. You know- all those jobs you were so frustrated with because in order to get on- you had to have experience... it was vicious, annoying cycle.
I'm feeling more empowered because I feel I'm finally contributing to my work... at a level that's finally recognizable.

The summer is here... and I can finally spend time outside again- although the weather here certainly hasn't helped. I love the time I'm able to spend at the park with my daughter, husband, and dog of course :)

I'm close to 30... and I've finally come into my own. I feel more confident, more attractive, and more capable than I ever have... I contribute most of that to a husband who keeps me on my toes (and who I love more than he'll ever know)... a little girl who is my world... and my family - who has enabled me to become who I am- and inspired me to think of the person I am becoming.

I'm getting ready to begin the book "Outliars"... I'm really excited about it because I'm ready to learn how to better engage my daughter... and myself.

Just A Note

The thought that crosses the mind... "I wonder sometimes if you're bored with me..."- when it's vocalized- was not meant to make you talk more about yourself.
It was a signal... some might call it a bonfire.
Being frustratingly amused with the inability to comprehend hints... nudges... that are meant to serve as signs along the road that warn of "curves ahead".
When the love of your life- says they feel like they've become a routine that you're simply happy with asking the same questions... getting the same answers... something needs to change.
In fact I don't even think you know that I enjoy writing... that I love my ability to accurately and completely unravel my feelings in writing because it flows out of my head and through my hands in ways that make it impossible for me to stop or have the feeling that I need to "put a filter on it".
Being able to write is what has helped me through some of the roughest moments of life.
I'm painfully aware of the fact that you have no idea that I even have a blog.
In fact I'm pretty sure you'll never read this... not only because you won't pay attention to the fact that it's in my profile... but the fact that it would take you sitting down and making a conscious effort to try and learn more about me- what goes through my head.

Suggestions:
Ask about the 600 pg book that was devoured in less than 24 hours...
- why I loved it
-what was it about?
-favorite aspects of the characters...
Ask about why I loved something so much that I did it over and over again until I memorized every single moment of it...
Ask me more than how my day went... and don't be "okay" with the short answers.. understand that short answers are strategic and selfless because I can hear in your voice the hope that I won't go into detail...

Let me know that you're fully aware of who I am- and not just going through the motions

Act interested in me

Favorite Quote...

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars- points of light and reason. ... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything." ~ Edward in New Moon

Giving Credit...

http://www.quileutenation.org/index.cfm?page=home.cfm

Being from Oklahoma... I thought it was so great to see the role of Native Americans being played in such a positive light...
I found the above link and was so happy that it wasn't just some made up story!
I applaud Ms.Meyer for doing due diligence work in her writing...
Wish more would use real life facts when it's plausible.

Rob Pattinson at Red Rocks...

I made the mistake of watching the cult classic Twilight movie over the weekend... due to my"motherhood" duties and my age... I hadn't watched it yet.
I say made the mistake because I actually ended up watching it like five times.
This story that Stephenie created... is beautiful. She did a masterful job of drawing in her audience... I have yet to read the books... but found a movie that drew me in so much I had to find out more about it.
I think it's mass appeal is the choice of roles for her characters.... Bella... the new girl... Most everyone at some time in their life has been this person. Not sure where you fit in... trying to figure it all out. I loved how the movie picked up on not only the feelings of cliques in the lunchroom... but the way that everyone reacts. It was so realistic- how could you not get drawn in... you can remember doing and saying those exact things. Can't wait to read the books now that I'm into it...
But onto the real reason I'm writing today...

I have to admit... I didn't know the names of the actors... I just knew I HAD to find out who sang the songs... when I went to google it... I had no idea who "Rob Pattinson" was... when I looked him up to see where I could buy his songs... I was tremendously disappointed to see he had nothing out. When I went to YouTube to listen to some more of him.. I saw who he was.
While he did an amazing job in the movie... and I am looking forward to watching him grow not only in his next role in the Twilight series... but overall. I would love to see him work on his music career. Obviously being out of the teenie bopper fan club ... I had no clue what the newbie's name was.. but immediately liked him immensely more once I discovered it was his voice in the song that gave me goosebumps.
I really hope that someone with a talent like his will take the high road and not get caught up in the Hollywood Hype... As a voice is something that doesn't go out of style and can touch so many lives without anyone ever knowing it. I know his voice immediately relaxed me and drew me in... It gives me chills to think about what he'd sound like at a venu like Red Rocks! ..... sorry- had a moment while thinking about what that'd be like..
I like to think I have an ear for music... and he definitely got my attention.