Alright so- got a magazine that is sent out to North Metro/Boulder County area- "What's Love Got to do with it?" by Dylan Krider. It had this article in it that attempted to explain how love got started... "The latest science says romance has a lot in common with war, narcotics, and meat"... yeah- I know. It caught my attention as well. Basically it starts by using the example of Adam and Eve... asking what it was that actually gave us the "potential" to act against our instincts and do what is right as opposed to "spreading our genes".
The article goes on to talk about how with animals- only the ones with higher levels of intelligence have been show to develop close working relationships with its own kind. Saying there's a direct correlation between the "socialness" of an animal and it's inherit intelligence. Alright- I can get that.. it makes sense. Then it goes into how as humans became smarter- more women started to die during childbirth due to increased head circumference... so when you can only have one maybe two offspring at a time- a lot rides on it's survival- genetically speaking. Men took on the roles of "provider" only after it became apparent that increased protein led to healthier, longer living kiddos. Keep in mind- while men were out spearing things, women were busy laying the groundwork for modern civilization... agriculture, pottery, education... you name it.
Now is when I really got interested... the genetic basis for "cheating".... so the article says "...women are genetically wired to ensure they're impregnated by their lover- NOT their husband." He goes on to say.." as a general rule- you can determine the promiscuity of females as a species by the size of the males testes. For example, the enormous but monogamous gorilla only sports a pair of golf balls, whereas the female chimp....is courted by bow-legged males who look like they're lugging around a bag of canteloupe."
- I guess to me- this seems contradictory. Espcially since most men's "ahem" are much more comprable to golf balls than to canteloupe. So to me- the whole idea that men are "hardwired" to spread their seed doesn't exactly get it's roots in nature. Guess I'll have to add that to my list of questions to ask an ecologist (closely followed by the need for the pinky finger).
The article goes on to cite a recent study that boasts figures of anywhere from 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men have strayed at some point in their relationship.
HOLY CRAP... that's over half of the married men. The premise of this is to point out that while we are "wired" to cheat... that there must be a reason.. or force... powerful enough to nip the urge to cheat in the bud... enter dopamine.
The heroine of lovers... dopamine, is the said cause to keep wandering eyes (and other parts) in check. Krider goes as far to say that once dopamine wears off- that the attachment is formed- and the bond is solid- and strong enough to keep the want to cheat in check.
This is where I disagree- someone can have a bond without first having the dopamine fix. Look at frienship- for example. This easy example leads me to believe that there's much more to a lasting love than simply "bonding during the love high". Anyone who has been married for more than 15 years can tell you that. Hell- I've been married for two years and I promise you it's more than just a love-struck bond between my husband and I. Marriage is work. Marriage is a lot of work. There is no environmental/animalistic benefit to have to work so hard at something that can completely drive you crazy. So what is it that keeps people married? To me- it's the love of that person. Not looking at what they can do for you, and if they do enough- its beneficial to have them around (given those kinds are nice- but definitely not worth a lifetime of faking it). Most people enter into a marriage because the person complements their personality, lifestyle, timing, beliefs, etc.
In summary, if a person isn't happy- they'll cheat regardless of genetics. I have a hard time believing that cheating genes are the cause of adultery. Let's take a good hard look at a theory before giving "cheaters" and out to use as an excuse.
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1 comments:
Very insightful critique. As the author of that article, I can say I did my best to summarize a lot of articles, etc. I had read, but would not be surprised if I got some things wrong.
You certainly read it pretty closely because what you're getting at is the "attachment" I mentioned only briefly in one sentence that goes beyond dopamine. Dopamine is more about the initial ga-ga days, and there is a lot of other things going on, as you point out.
Also, I think I also agree with the point that genes aren't an excuse. I'm actually trying to argue against the idea that "monogamy isn't natural", as you often hear. Monogamy is natural, as is attachment and pair bonding. You always hear we are wired to "spread the seed", when in fact we are just as wired - if not more so - to settle down and marry, long after the dopamine wears off.
And the size of the testes is a ratio to body mass -- geurillas are much, much bigger than we are.
Always appreciate thoughtful responses.
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